Attached, as well as posted here, are some of my thoughts about the special aspects women may run into becoming a gray-woman.
My thoughts on the special aspects for being a gray woman
Just as it is for men, taking on the persona of a gray woman can have many beneficial aspects not only during various types of disasters and their aftermath, but during ordinary daily life now.
We live in some trying times, and they can be even more trying in many ways for women. They live with a set of inherent dangers with which very few men must cope.
While it is not always the case, women tend to be of smaller statute than most men, be a bit weaker than most men, are subject to several threats that few men are subject, and tend to live with certain societal expectations that, right or wrong, exist.
These are just a few of the reasons, and complicating factors, that apply to a woman that wishes to take on a gray persona while in public. Just exactly what is a ‘gray persona’?
Well, for men it is essentially appearing and acting in certain ways that do not bring any attention toward oneself. Blending in. Not standing out. Not being memorable. Looking like everyone else. Or looking like part of the background that should be in that particular place at that particular time.
And it is the same for women, mostly. However, there are some aspects that are different for women. Some in just how achieving the goals can be done, and some differences in what is gray for a woman versus what is gray for a man.
Unlike many animal species, and a few exceptions in our own species, it is the female that tends to be the more showy of the two genders. It is the way we evolved. And there are plenty of exceptions to that genetic rule.
Unless known to be a life-and-death situation, most women will still want to be seen as a woman, and not masquerade as a man. It can be done, for short periods, in some circumstances. It is not as easy or effective as it is in books, television, and movies.
However, the propensity of women wanting to look like a woman, and not just look like a woman, but one that looks nice, even if not trying to look glamourous, which does kind of defeat the gray woman goal.
And the thing about it, under normal everyday circumstances, and even in some post disaster circumstances, if you look like a woman, but do not look glamourous, but do look rather hedious, you will stand out. Which is counter to the gray woman goal.
What this means is that to appear as a gray woman, you must look like a woman, not like you are trying to dress down or dress up, but dress like the overwhelming majority of other women that you will be around.
It is the same as a man that is dressed like a laborer will look very out of place downtown among dozens of men in suits and ties, and a man in a suit and tie out digging a ditch. A woman dressed in evening wear in a grocery store will stand out as much as a woman in gardening shorts, gardening gloves, her hair pulled back in a pony tail pulled through a baseball hat at a formal dinner.
Now, just like men, you must work with what you have. To a degree. Do not attempt to look really ugly. You will stand out. Do not try to look like the queen of the ball. You will stand out. Look nice, the same way the other women look nice.
You may need to push it a bit, in wearing clothing in which you can maneuver, run, and fight if need be. However, with the available styles not, other than a formal ball, and you are not a super-celebrity type, there is clothing that will look appropriate that you can do what you need to do while wearing.
There seem, at least to me, to be quite a few options in women’s clothing that can be worn that meet the requirement to wear more subdued colors, earth tones, and comfortable clothing, easy to move in. Keep it in mind whenever you are shopping for additional clothing, and clothing for any girls and young women that will need to consider dressing the same way at some point.
Then the rest of the gray woman effect comes through demenor, approach, accessories, other appearance factors besides clothing and makeup, and a few more things that, like everything else prepping, can be situational.
Maintaining situational awareness without being obvious about it, as well as operational security, are mostly the same as men. Women do need to be careful about meeting a man’s eyes for more than a moment. You will want to meet them at times, but if you hold the look very long, the overwhelming number of males are going to take it as a sign of interest. Which you do not want. You want the person to know you saw them, so they are less likely to think they can approach you unnoticed, but it will not be the reason they approach you.
While keeping a eye out by moving the eyes constantly, or moving the head constantly, will help you maintain situational awareness, it can be seen as a sign of nervousness, fear, indication of a plan to do something, and just simply bring unwanted attention.
Very few men do it, and almost no women. So, learn to observe without being observed. Male spies can do it, even if most men cannot do it any more than most women. Women can learn, which is what needs to be done.
The best way to learn is to start doing both, now, all the time, even within your own home.
Body posture and movement, as well as a woman’s walking characteristics tend to be quite different from men’s. And men and women both tend to see and understand what they are. So, you cannot be totally counter to what is natural, but it is best to keep all of the movements, and the posture close to neutral for being a woman.
Do not sway your hips when walking. This can be difficult in high heels, so shorter heels would be a better choice, while still blending in with the rest of the women wearing heels.
Do not do the exaggerated crossing-the-centerline-of-your-body foot placement. Runway models, and women wanting to be looked at do this. It helps sway the hips, and it also brings attention to the woman’s legs, another goal of women wanting to be noticed.
Other things, such as flipping one’s long hair with a hand, or short hair with a toss of the head, bring attention. Checking earings to make sure they are still secure, lifting a leg to adjust a shoe, and checking appearance in mirrors in an area are all things that women do that, intended or not, cause people, especially men, to look their way, if the male catches even a tiny bit of it from the corner of their eye.
It can and will be difficult to suppress these actions when you want to be full gray woman, so you will need to practice. Preferably with someone you trust that knows what it is you are trying to do and will be truthful with you about how well you are doing.
Another aspect is wearing scents of various kinds. From body wash to powder to shampoo to conditioner to perfume, there are versions that are very noticible to other women, some to other men, some to both. If they are noticible then they will be at least somewhat memorable. Another no-no for a gray woman.
That is not to say you must be totally without any kind of scent, but keep it generic and very subdued. Especially if more than one type is being used, such as a shampoo, a body wash, and a perfume. Even if all three are very light scents, the combination can be noticible. Again, ask someone else you trust their opinion.
Now, though not all women do this, there are many that tend to touch other people. Not hugs, though that applies when in excess, but the touch of a hand on a forearm or upper arm. Usually not a shoulder, though. Touch a man’s chest is like the too-long-meeting-of-the-eyes. It brings unwanted attention and expectation. Besides which, depending on the people involved it can elicit elements of jealousy from other women, which you do not want. Unless you need to create a distraction. Different subject, however.
And the one that is likely to cause me to be vilified somewhat. Talking. Women tend to chat. With other women. They will often not say too much when they are in a group with men, but nowadays even then many women will interject a comment. Or two. Or…
Anyway, do not be silent. That, too, is unusual unless you are that way all the time and everyone around you knows that. Otherwise, join in conversations, quietly, softly, making conversation, but do not express strong opinions, raise your voice, or try to make a point, no matter how justified. If you are in gray woman mode it is simply not the time. Find another venue for that.
Again, a rather fine line to walk at times, but women have been doing it since time immemoriable, when they had to in order to protect themselves and their children.
And speaking of walking, a woman can appear as a gray woman and not stand out, when she is part of a group or within a group. It is nearly impossible when alone. You will need to walk another fine line of not appearing too capable to presenting a threatening appearance, as that could bring authorities down on you in many situations, and will often trigger some men to make the attempt to prove that you are not a threat to them, especially if you are.
If at all possible, if you will be away from safety, and must be walking, try to do so with a small group of other women, gray women or not. Keep conversation low and innocuous. Chuckle, but try not to wind up in a belly laugh. Maintain situational awareness, again, as always, trying to look like you are not doing that, but just keeping a casual eye out.
If the other women are of like mind, hopefully you will have been able to have made a plan in case something does happen.
Try to make sure that you always have any feminine hygiene products that may even remotely be needed, to the point of having extra for any other women in your party. You do not want to be limited in any way as to the options open to you if evasive action, hiding out, or other activities must be done where the lack could create a problem over a period of time.
Try to get all the sleep you possibly can. Restful sleep, not just time lying down. The lack of sleep is one of the things that cause people, men and women both, to make mistakes of many different kinds. If you are needing to be in gray woman mode, you need to be rested so you can have your full senses available to you, at a moments notice.
Another thing that can be deadly is not being aware. This is more than just situational awareness. Do not allow yourself to become distracted. If out and about, and not in a known safe location, do not be on the phone, either talking or texting, watching videos, working apps, unless it is critical to your safety at the moment. Otherwise, it will jepordize you safety to a huge degree. When you are in a safe place watch a few of the youtube videos of people being distracted by their phones and see what happens to them.
Sort of a random point: If you are in a situation where you must be proactive about something, and whatever you need to do, such as break a window to get out, clang some metal to open a gate, etc., if you are maintaining you awareness, you may be able to time whatever it is you need to do with some loud noise that you can predict will occur within a given time. A train whistle, a siren on an emergency vehicle, people shouting somewhere close. Anything to help cover the sound of what you need to do.
On to one of the factors that can make it rather more difficult for women to become a gray woman. That is the availability of clothing that does not require additional items with which to have what you need to have with you with you. A purse will work, of course. There are times when having one simply does not work well for where you will be, or one that will, will not have enough of the right kind of space.
You can find the right color, style, and cut of clothing, but not much of it will have very useful pockets. You may want some options. There are many, but some of them are not all that practical for general use to carry prep related items.
Sure, you can carry some cash, an ID, and a couple of keys, but that will be about all in some of them. You may want to have them for those items, to keep them separate from other prep items, but you may still need some other means to carry some things.
In lieu of an actual purse, there are some computer bags that might work. While it might seem that these would be exactly the same, they are not always so. Aranged differently inside, they can allow you to access exactly what you want when you want it, without fumbling.
Similar to these are some of the cross-body bags that have a slightly longer strap that is worn on the opposite shoulder with the strap going across the body rather than the bag hanging straight down under the arm.
They can be large enough to carry anything you want, or small enough to be very handy and carry just what you need. With a cross body strap they are much less likely to be snatched, both because the strap prevents it, but also because it is less likely to be attempted because the perp knows it will not work.
Waist packs, to me, are inconvient. However, if they work for you, a small one, somewhat stylish but in a subdued color, might be just what you want.
A carry item with the brand name PortaPocket is a pouch large enough for a cell phone and a couple of other small items.
And the earlier things I mentioned for ID, cash, card, and a couple of keys, such as a bra pouch and/or garter pouch I do not see having much utility other than for those specific items.
There are some wristlets that are large enough to be able to have some useful items in them, handy, without being too bulky.
And then the item that works for slightly cooler weather, but is not nearly as bulky or confining or hot as a coat, is one of the Scott-e-Vests. They also make coats, pants, skirts, and other items with internal pockets for concealment, yet easy enough access to make them acceptable. They do have some for women that are quite light weight and not as overly warm as some.
This is about all I have been able to come up with. I hope it addresses some of the concerns that I have heard expressed by women wanting to maximize the gray woman process.
If anyone, male or female, has suggestions, ideas, recommendations, alternatives, and criticisms of what I have presented here, please post them and I will try to improve the article.
Just my opinion.
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